Broken Hearts and Forever Promises
by idkifurcrazy
Summary: When Edward leaves Bella fears she can never get over her broken heart. That changes when Jasper returns to beg for forgiveness and Bella falls for him. Bella has to choose between the one who left her and the one who promises never to leave.
1. Prolouge

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**Hello....this is my new story Broken Hearts and Forever Promises. It is a Bella/Jasper story...it might start off a little slow but please hang in there and read :) This is only the prolouge but there is plenty more to come. I would also like to thank my beta dancingwithEdward for helping me out...thanks:) Well, hope you guys enjoy this!**

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JPOV

I wanted to kiss her so badly. Every ounce of my being wanted to be close to her. I could feel myself trembling with my insane need to touch her. She was gazing at me in awe; I don't even think she had a clue of what to do.

I could feel the emotions coming from her. There was love and longing, but there was definitely fear. I wanted to show her how much I cared for her, but we both understood that the danger was great. The scent of her blood wrapped me closer, and I wanted to taste her sweet blood almost as badly as I wanted to kiss her.

But she never even told me if she wanted this, only her feelings gave her away. "It's okay, Jasper," she whispered quietly. Her brown eyes were full of trust that I had no right to deserve. How could she trust me not to hurt her? I reached out and tentatively touched her cheek. My hands shook so badly, I should have been embarrassed, but I didn't.

"I love you," I told her honestly. "but I am so frightened of hurting you," I told her knowing that my voice was full of longing. She must know I wanted to be with her. I would think it would have been completely obvious over the last few weeks.

"You won't," she sawed sternly with determination in her eyes. She reached up and placed her hand on my shoulder. I gulped and closed my eyes making sure that I was completely in control of myself. I took a step closer to her and gently pulled her to me. The tension between us intensified.

She buried her head in my shoulder and inhaled my scent. Then she slowly lifted her head to look at me expectantly. It was now or never and I had to choose.

My breathing sped up involuntarily. I swept her hair out of her eyes and bent my head down so I could gently press my lips to hers.

The first thing I felt was happiness. I knew that if my heart was still beating it would be going a mile a minute. This was perfect and unlike anything I had ever experienced. She was so soft and warm and she pressed against me eagerly. My hands tangled in her hair and her arms wrapped around my neck. I knew I was completely lost in her then.

But then the inevitable happened; the hunger came. The urge to bite her bubbled up inside of me. I could feel the venom pool in my mouth as my need to bite her became greater. I yanked myself away from her and darted a couple feet away.

"Jasper, I'm sorry," she tried to apologize, but it wasn't even her fault. Waves of hurt and rejection washed over me.

I shook my head and tried to make her understand that none of this was her fault. I thought that I was getting used to her irresistible scent, but apparently my hunger was stronger than my need for her. I had to get out of there, and fast.

I ran quickly into the trees trying to get far away from her sweet smelling blood. I heard her calling my name behind me. It tore my heart to leave her because so many left her before. The only difference was that I was coming back to her, not leaving her forever. I wouldn't disappear on her just like _he_ did.

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**Please let me know what you think!!! :)**


	2. Chapter 1

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, added, or read my story, it means a lot to me. Sorry this chapter is so late...I should really be studying for finals but I decided to update. :) And for those who are wondering I try to update at least once a week. Another couple of things I should mention is that Jacob will be a major character in the story but it is not totally about him... This is just the beginning people! And thanks as always to dancingwithEdward for getting this back quickly. Hope you like it :)**

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I wasn't going to lie and say that I had everything easy. Living day to day was hard enough for me. The only thing that reminded me that I was alive was the pain. Memories were all I had left, and I couldn't even think about those for fear they would bring the pain. I tried my hardest not to think about him, but there were always those times, and then the pain.

I don't know what the other people around me thought, and to tell you the truth, I really didn't care anymore. Nobody had any reason to be upset with me anyway. My grades were perfect and I did everything I had to do. But to me, nothing mattered anymore. I didn't care if people walked by staring and wondering about me. I didn't care about the looks I got from the friends I used to have. I don't think I even really cared about myself. The only thing that ever mattered was him, and he was gone.

To say that I hadn't changed at all when he left would be a total lie. I knew that I had become someone that was even a stranger to me. I wasn't whole anymore, and I probably never would be. I tried my hardest to act normal, and I hated any attention directed at me. What I wanted most was to disappear and act like nothing ever happened. But there was always that pain, and the only sign that he existed.

After a few months, things seemed to get easier. Not easier in the sense that I was happy and well, but the pain was easier dealt with. When it happened upon me, I was more able to resist it, and less likely to succumb to it. Doing things also kept the pain away. I never wanted free time because that was when the pain was most likely to strike. Free time gave me the opportunity to think about him, and that was absolutely forbidden.

It was that one-day that something changed. It was the day that I made my big discovery. Charlie was going down to La Push and he was trying to persuade me into going with him.

"C'mon, Bells, it would be fun," he encouraged me. I knew what he really wanted to say was, "I'm trying to get you out of the house, so you do something other than moping." I rolled my eyes at him. I knew that I would eventually give in. I needed to prove to Charlie that I was okay, and that I could at least make an effort to act normal. But, the last thing I wanted to do was go over to Billy's with him.

"Okay, fine," I sighed, giving up. But, it was worth seeing Charlie's face light up. I felt like such a horrible person for worrying him. Just because I had to deal with this mess it didn't mean that I had to drag him down with me.

We took my truck there, since I absolutely hated Charlie's squad car. It was raining like it always was in Forks, and on the way down there, Charlie tried to talk to me.

"So, how are your friends from school?" Charlie asked and I just shrugged. We both knew that we didn't really talk anymore. At first they tried to talk to me, but when I didn't make an effort to talk to them they turned away. It didn't really mean anything; it just meant that I was hopeless in their eyes.

"And your grades?" he asked, attempting to get me to talk.

"You and I both know that they are perfectly fine," I told him. We both knew that I hadn't missed a day of classes since the week I took off of school after he disappeared…….. School came easy to me now. Now that I paid attention so I couldn't think about other things, I actually understood the things that the teachers were saying, School really didn't matter anymore. It wasn't like I was going to get into a fantastic college anyway. School was just a distraction.

It was silent the rest of the way. Neither of us really knew what to talk about, and I sure wasn't going to say anything. Most of the subjects that would come up would turn into the direction of him, and that was something that we both didn't want to visit again.

When we pulled into the Black's driveway, I was flooded with a sense of familiarity. I hadn't been here many times, but it hadn't changed one bit. We jumped out of the cab of my truck and dashed to the front porch to get out of the pouring rain.

The Black's house was really small but it always gave me a sense of home. It was as if the house was radiating warmth and love. I hated it because it hurt so much.

"Hi Charlie! And Bella! I didn't expect to see you here," Billy greeted us opening the screen door and guiding us into the house. I just nodded my head and mumbled out a hello. The truth was I would rather be anywhere but there. But, I would get through it. Eventually. We gathered in the family room and Charlie settled in for the start of the game. I had no clue why he had to come _here_ to watch the game. Our house had a bigger TV, and we had much more room. But, I guess when you've been in the same place for so long you need a change in scenery.

Billy asked me how things were going. I couldn't think of much to say, so my answers were pretty short. Soon, they both gave up in trying to talk to me and concentrated on the game for which I was grateful. It was like I wasn't even there.

I preferred things that way. I hated being asked questions about myself, or having any attention directed at me in general. What was I supposed to tell them as an excuse for my pathetic life? Was I supposed to tell them that the guy of my dreams left me and I didn't have the faintest clue how to live without him? That's right, I wasn't. Just like I needed to think about something else before the pain came.

I was lost in my own thoughts when he walked in. He was wearing only shorts, everything else was bare. His beautiful long hair had been cropped short, and his muscles were definitely more developed than the last time I had seen him. It was a wonder how much that boy changed, but there was something different about him, and it wasn't just his looks either.

"Jacob!" Billy smiled, "I'm so glad you're here. Do you remember Bella?" he asked. Of course, we already knew each other. We were even best friends at one point, but I had let him down just like I did everyone else. It had been a long time since I had talked to, or even seen, Jacob. It hurt seeing him because I knew that he was seeing a completely different person than the one he once knew. Jacob nodded to his father answering his question. "Then why don't you guys catch up?" he questioned. "Bella seems bored out of her mind in here anyway." He laughed. I knew that I was blushing furiously. We all knew that I was bored but I wasn't going to admit it. I looked over at Charlie and he was grinning sheepishly. I knew that he was only trying to do the best for me. And I knew that he thought that bringing me would help somehow. It wasn't his fault that I didn't know how to have fun anymore. I wasn't blaming him.

"Did you wanna go out to my garage with me?" Jacob asked shyly. Since when was he shy? Ever since I had known him, he was always the one who was comfortable with everything. I knew that he wanted me to go with him because I could hear the hope in his voice. Well, I guess that it would have been better than sitting here pretending to be interested in the game. But what if Jacob didn't accept me the way I was now? What would he think? I stopped the mental argument going on inside my head.

"Okay," I mumbled and he smiled and led the way out there. When I was waling to the garage I happened to stumble over my feet and he steadied me. I wished so much that we better friends like we used to be. He tried not to laugh at my clumsiness and I tried not to smile. Smiling? When did that ever happen? Certainly it didn't happen to Bella, not anymore anyway.

"The garage," Jacob announced proudly, "and this is my new project, the Rabbit." He tapped on the hood of the car next to him. "Go ahead, have a seat. Sorry about the mess," he apologized as he opened the front door of the car for me. He turned to sit on the ground and twisted a piece of metal that I couldn't even begin to identify, in his hands.

"So, what, are you like 17 now?" I asked He seemed so much older than I was and it had been such a long time since I had seen him that I didn't know how many birthdays had passed.

"Yeah," Jacob laughed, "And what are you now, 40?" He laughed harder and I surprised myself by laughing with him. It came natural and it felt right. I hadn't even begun to feel in the longest of times.

We talked about everything under the sun. There was plenty that we both missed in each others lives. He caught me up on his friend in La Push, and I actually found myself interested in what he had to say. But soon he got tired of answering all of my questions and he began questioning me. He looked somewhat saddened by the fact that I had absolutely no life. I didn't have much to tell him. I would have to change that sometime.

"It's because of him, isn't it?" he asked, his dark brown eyes were worried. I crossed my arms over my chest preparing myself for the pain I knew was to come. I nodded.

"You have to know that I will never do that to you," he spoke seriously. "I won't ever hurt you like he did."

I closed my eyes. I didn't want to talk about this. It was absolutely forbidden, and I didn't want any promises anymore. I learned my lesson the first time.

"Look at me!" He demanded. His face showed unmistakable anger. He didn't look like the Jacob I remembered. "I promise that I won't ever hurt you, no matter what," he vowed to me.

"Okay," I mumbled, but Jacob didn't calm down. He started pacing and his hands were clenched into fists.

"I still can't believe this…." He growled out, and his body started trembling. That's when the first shock happened that flipped my world around.

As I sat there watching Jacob shake before my eyes, I heard _his_ voice.

_"Calm him, Bella. He's not in control right now,"_ his smooth voice instructed me. What was going on? He wasn't here- I would know if he were there. So what did this mean then?

"Jacob, it's okay…."I told him, I was still helpless in following the directions of that beautiful voice.

"No! It's not, and I don't know why you're treating it like it is. He was wrong. And if he was here right now…." His threat trailed off.

_"He will hurt you…..don't let him lose it,"_ the voice spoke again. This time I was in shock. Why was this happening again? Was it even real? I began to say something but people were walking into the garage.

"Hey Jake!" One of the boys called. There were three of them. They were all tall and built, just like Jacob was. They also had the skin color that I was always envious of. They looked like they could be related, but it was only a guess to me. They were all smiling as they walked in, but as soon as they took one look at Jacob the smiles died.

"What's going on here?" The boy in the middle demanded. He was the tallest of the three, and he seemed like the one who was in charge.

"Nothing," Jacob said instantly looking away from them. He visibly relaxed, but I knew that he wasn't totally okay yet.

"Good," The older boy responded. "And who have we here? Charlie's kid?"

"Yeah," Jacob answered looking like his usual self. "This is Bella. Bella this is Quil, Sam, and Seth." Sam was the middle one, the authoritative one.

"Hey Bella! So whatcha been doin'? Jacob boring you to death out here?" Seth asked. He seemed like the littlest of the bunch and younger than Jacob.

"No, not at all," I stammered and they smiled.

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Bella. Is there any chance that you'll be coming back to visit?" Quil asked. Was I? Did I want to come back? I had changed so much even in the little time that I had spent here. I smiled, and laughed, and sometimes I even forgot that I was broken. This place made me feel whole again. And that voice that I missed so much……maybe there was a possible way to hear it again. I looked over at Jacob.

"Only if you want to," He spoke quickly. I knew that he didn't want to ruin stuff between us again. And I had missed him so much; I just never knew it until then.

"Sure, it would be cool to hang out," I said nervously, biting my lip. I didn't want them to think I was coming there to see the guys, or even Jacob, because I wasn't.

"Sounds cool," Quil gave me a smile and I looked quickly away.

"Bella?" Charlie called out loudly.

"In here!" Jacob shouted and Charlie popped his head in the doorway.

"Ready to go, Bells?" he asked looking around at the group of boys. I knew exactly what he was seeing. A bunch of half dressed boys smiling and looking at me. Not so good in his eyes….but maybe it wouldn't matter as long as I was happy.

"Ummm, just a minute, dad," I said to him and he left the garage to wait by the truck.

"Sorry, but I have to go," I said and got out of the car.

"Will you come back?" Jacob asked.

"Sure," I said. I started to leave, but I turned back to look at him one last time. Sam was giving him a serious look. And to me, it looked like Sam had a problem with me returning.

"Remember my promise," Jacob said looking at me and I nodded once and left. I hurried to my truck and jumped inside. I was silent on the way back, listening to Charlie go on and on about the game. But then a question captured my attention.

"Jacob helped, didn't he?" he asked cautiously. Charlie and I never went near the serious subjects these days. My emotions were just too touchy, you know. Once again I felt badly for pushing him out of my life. I just nodded. There was really no point in avoiding it. Since when had I last laughed or smiled? And a few hours with Jacob and those things changed. I don't know if being there truly helped me, but I knew that it changed me somehow. "Are you going to go back?" he asked.

"I don't know," I said truthfully. The way Sam had acted confused me. Did he not want me there or something? How could he have a problem with me already when I had barely even said two words to him? It was unbelievable.

But, I had to find a way back. That voice was something that I needed to hear again. Instead of feeling pain when I heard it, I was flooded with a sense of protection from him. It was like he was still there with me trying to keep me safe. Maybe his voice came back to tell me that he was still there for me. Or maybe I was just crazy. Who really knew anymore? And I didn't really care.

My thoughts compelled me, and before I knew it, I was out of the truck and in my bedroom lying down. Nothing would stop me from seeing Jacob again, I decided. He made me feel alive again, and I was sick and tired of feeling numb. Sam wouldn't get in my way, and I was going to make sure of it. And with that I fell asleep.

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I was right in the end. I didn't let Sam get to me. He still gave me those looks every now and then, but I was still there. As the weeks passed, I grew closer to Jacob again. It was like nothing had ever happened between us. He became my best friend again, and for that I was grateful.

I felt myself opening up to him, but not about _him._ Never about _him_, not since that one day. I became a regular person over at the Black house, and Jacob and I always found something to do. I confided in him everything. I told him about how ashamed I was about my life, and about how scared I was that I wouldn't be able to change.

Throughout the entire time, he always kept his promise. When I woke screaming in the middle of the night, he was always there when I called him. When I went through when of my moods, he was there to cheer me up. But, sometimes I felt too dependent on him. He was like the drug that made me happy. And I was becoming addicted.

That one day changed everything I knew once again though. It was the day he called to say that he didn't think that we could be friends anymore. But, I could hear the sadness in his voice, and part of me just knew that he was lying. After he called I went over there.

I found him in his garage. He was working on his car and the other guys were around them. I recognized Seth, Quil, and Sam, but there were a couple others who were unknown to me.

"Jacob, can I talk to you? Alone." I asked him. I didn't want to talk to him in front of his group of friends. They just gave me a weird feeling.

"Guys, please. Just let me do this. Just let me do what I have to do, okay." The way he said it, it seemed like he didn't want to do whatever it was he had to do.

"Okay, we'll be waiting," Sam said and he motioned for the others to follow him. Seth and Quil gave me apologetic looks. I had a feeling that they knew what was happening and they felt sorry for me. I also had a feeling that Sam had something to do with this somehow. It wasn't looking good.

"Why did you come here Bella?" his face looked confused. He was the same old Jacob. Then why did it seem like I couldn't talk to him all of a sudden? Why was this happening?

"Because I need to know why we can't be friends anymore. And I don't want some pathetic excuse…..I really want to know," I said my voice shaking. When he didn't say anything I continued talking. "It's because I've changed, isn't it? I'm trying to put myself together, just give me some time. Please don't do this. Please." I mumbled pathetically while I dissolved into tears. This was hopeless.

Jacob stormed out of the garage without saying a word to me. He just left me standing there with unstoppable tears pouring from my eyes. What was the point of even coming here?

Jacob came back into the garage a few minutes later, only he wasn't alone. Sam was with him. What did he want?

"Sam, please. I would do anything, I'm asking as your friend, as your brother-please let me tell her." He looked at me then with desperate eyes. What did he want to tell me that Sam didn't want me to know?

"Fine, but only because I trust you. If anyone ends up getting hurt, it's on you. Do the right thing, Jacob. Tell her; it will be okay." Sam said allowing Jacob to tell me. What was the big deal anyway? Now, I was super confused. Sam left the room and Jacob turned to me.

"Bella, there is something very important that I need to tell you. I'm asking that you don't freak out, okay. I'm trying my absolute best to keep my promise." He said seriously, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Alright, just tell me." I said impatiently. Jacob took a deep breath.

"I'm a werewolf. And so are my friends." He said calmly. WHAT? I started shaking. It wasn't from fear, but the shock. I believed him. There was no doubt in my mind. It was more powerful than the shock that I got when I discovered that _he_ was a vampire. My best friend was a werewolf? How did these things happen to find me?

"Bella? Please say something," he pleaded with me. What was I supposed to say?

"You're a werewolf," I repeated dumbly. This was too much. This couldn't be happening- not again. "Okay," was all I said. Without even knowing it, I was out of the garage and moving towards my truck.

"Bella, please don't leave. I can explain," But I didn't hear him. My brain was in overdrive.

"I just need to think……" I managed to say as I hopped into my truck. Jacob's friends were watching from the front porch of the house. I wonder what they were thinking.

I was hurting Jacob, but I needed to be somewhere else. Someplace where I knew that things were always the same.

"I'll call you!" I shouted as I pulled out into the road. And I would call him……..Eventually. I drove calmly to my house. It was only there that I began to fall apart. I made it to the front porch before the pain hit me. I sat there and let the rain pour down on me, and the tears fall from my eyes. I cried and cried until I couldn't tell if the wetness on my face was from my tears or the rain.

"Bella," a voice said softly. At first I imagined it, but then I heard it again. I looked up and I was pretty sure that I was hallucinating.

He looked so perfect, even in the rain. His hair looked perfectly tangled. He looked just like I remembered.

I closed my eyes willing the hallucination away. I did not need this right now. I opened my eyes and he was still there. He was still the few feet it was to the road.

I looked up to meet his eyes,

"It's me, Jasper. Jasper Hale."

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**So what did you think? Click the button and review! :)**


	3. Chapter 2

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter. Something to keep in mind here: In my story vampires can cry. I hope that you guys are liking the story. Sorry I haven't been updating on time...but it is SUMMER now so hopefully that will change. And another thing...if you guys would like me to put things in different points of view let me know! Hope you like this one :)**

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I had no clue that I had even decided to go until Alice came up to me. It was only an idea in the beginning. But, in the end, it had become something that I was really considering.

"You've already decided, Jasper, I've seen it," Alice said to me one day. We were still at the Denali house in Alaska. I was outside the house, just thinking. I knew that no one would be outside right now. It was really cold, and right now I just needed to be alone.

We had already been here for a few months, and the Denalis accepted us just like the friends they had always been. But, the truth that I was too afraid to admit to anyone else was that I wanted to go back to Forks. Forks had become home to me and I truly missed it there. This was what Edward wanted though, and we all vowed to him that we would leave Bella in peace. But, Edward wasn't here right now, and to tell you the truth I don't think that he really cared what the rest of us thought. But I knew his reasons for leaving her and they were legit.

"I'll go," I said, "but what will the others think?" I asked her after I made up my mind. "What about Edward?" I asked realizing that he could come back at any time.

"Those things don't matter," Alice said simply, "the only thing that matters is what you feel you should do. You can't live like this anymore, Jasper."

"Okay," I mumbled. I hated to do this. The risks were infinitely greater, but I knew that it would be the only thing that would make me feel better.

"And take your time, okay. Explain things to her," Alice said. I could feel the sorrow coming from her. Bella was her best friend, and I knew that it hurt her to leave Bella too. "And if Edward happens to come back, I will make him understand. But, I don't see him coming here any time soon. He's hurting her, and I think that she deserves some sort of answer. I love you, Jasper. I know this will be fine." She comforted me. It was working.

"When's the next flight there?" I asked. Alice knew everything, of course.

"In a few hours, but I think it would be better if you drove. I think that it would give you a chance to think about what you are going to say." She suggested. I guess that that would be okay. I really hadn't thought through all the details that I was going to say.

"This is going against what Edward wanted," I said stupidly. Why was I still fighting this? We both knew that I was going to go.

"Doesn't matter," Alice repeated quickly.

"Okay, I'll go," I finally decided. What would I do without Alice? She had always been there for me and I should have talked to her about this before instead of keeping it to myself. "But I need to tell Carlisle before I go," I said as I rushed into the house. I felt like it was important that Carlisle knew my reasoning for going back to Forks. I owed Carlisle everything and he sure as hell deserved the right to know. Esme and Carlisle were talking to the Denalis in the kitchen. I murmured hellos to them, but I needed to get down to business and I really didn't feel comfortable talking with Carlisle in front of them. It wasn't that I didn't like them it was just I felt like it should only be kept in the family for the time being.

"Excuse me, Carlisle, but can I speak with you about something?" I asked him. He nodded and the Denalis left politely. I waited until I could no longer hear them before I began talking.

"What is it Jasper?"

"I'm going back to Forks. I need to talk to Bella," I stated calmly. I studied his expressions but they gave away nothing.

"Do you honestly think that's such a good idea? What if she is doing fine without us? What if your return only causes her more problems? What about your promise to Edward?" Carlisle bombarded me with questions but I couldn't detect any anger coming from him. He was perfectly calm and the questions he asked were wise, but my decision was already made.

"Would Edward really want me to be living with this guilt? Carlisle, I need to do this. Edward left her because it was too dangerous for her. But I was the one who pushed him off the edge in the end, and Bella might be thinking that this was her fault. Would we really be a good person if we did that to her. I feel responsible and I think that talking to her will make me feel better."

"I see. But why risk it after all we have done?" Carlisle had a good point and I suddenly felt stupid standing there but I wasn't going to let that stop me. I felt so incredibly guilty about what I had done at Bella's birthday party. If I had more control of myself…. I stopped myself. It wasn't the time to get angry with myself. We all would've been in Forks and everyone would have been perfectly happy.

"She deserves answers…..and I want to apologize," I mumbled.

" I understand Jasper. I am on your side believe it or not. I never wanted this to happen either, no matter what we promised to Edward. When are you leaving?"

"Any minute. I just had to let you know my plans."  
"Thank you for telling me. I wish you the best luck to find what you are searching for," Carlisle said smiling.

"Thanks," I mumbled. What I'm searching for? What did he mean by that? Who knows I decided Carlisle was always been cryptic. Carlisle gave me a brief hug and then I went upstairs to get some things. I didn't have a clue how long I would be staying. Alice was waiting for me after I returned from our bedroom with my things. She walked me to my car in silence. All I could feel from her was calmness and determination.

"It will be okay," I promised her. "I'll call."

"I love you," She said pressing her lips to mine. I was filled with the most wonderful feeling in the world that only happened when I was with Alice. She filled me with love and it made me feel like I could do anything. Her love would help me through this. She pulled away from me, but I pulled her back into my arms. I inhaled her scent and held her closely, but I knew I had to go.

"Love you too," I said. Then I was speeding to Forks.

The drive was much shorter on the way back than it was going there. But I guess that had something to do with the fact that we didn't have a specific purpose ahead of us, we were just leaving. During the time there I was given a chance to think, but that only brought up more questions.

What in the world was I supposed to say to her? I couldn't exactly find the right words to apologize for almost killing her and ruining her life. It was impossible, but I would do it anyway. I would do it for me…..and for her.

When I arrived at the Swan house she wasn't there. The familiar red truck was gone and part of me was disappointed. I wanted to get things going. I would wait then. I would wait as long as it takes.

The time seemed endless. I kept running scenarios through my head of what could possibly happen. What if she really was okay? What if coming back only brought up the memories that she was forced to forget? But, worse, what if she was completely messed up? How could I handle that?

I was suddenly forced into a flashback. It was the night that I screwed everything up. Why did this have to happen now?  
_"Happy Birthday Bella!" Alice said happily. Bella had just walked in the door and was already flushing a bright pink. I could feel her embarrassment and nervousness. But, I knew that she would do whatever it took to make Edward happy. And I couldn't resist being happy because Alice was so excited about this. We never celebrated normal birthdays so this was a new thing for us. I also wanted to see Bella's expressions as she opened her gifts. We had gotten her things that we knew that she would love. We had gotten her airplane tickets to go see her mom in Florida. Alice and I, along with Emmett and Rosalie had pitched in for a new stereo. But, I was wondering if Edward was going to show her his present._

_Edward was planning on giving her a beautiful white gold necklace shaped into a heart twisted together at the bottom and that had many diamonds imbedded in it. It was his mother's and before that his grandmother's. He had told me a story about how his mom made him promise that when he found a girl that he truly loved that he should give it to her. Edward confided in us about his indecision about giving it to her. He hadn't actually professed his love to her. He was too scared that she would reject him if he told her his real feelings. But that day, he planned to when he gave her the necklace._

_We watched as Bella opened the first gift, which was the stereo from us. She thanked us and we all assured her that it was nothing. She looked at us hesitantly and her eyes lingered on mine for a moment. Bella and I had never really been close and she felt shy around me. It had always been like that around us. I also knew that members of my family felt more assured if I kept my distance from her._

_It was when she was opening the small envelope containing the tickets that things turned for the worst. Bella looked more comfortable even though she still didn't think that we should be doing all of this for her._

_She slid her finger under the seam of the envelope._

_The scent hit me like a wall. It smelled so sweet that it made my mouth water. I had to have some….screw this stupid vegetarian way. It wasn't worth it, not when I could have blood that smelled that good. I leapt towards her. It was like all of my rational thinking had cut off and the only part of me that was left was the irrational thoughts of a predator. The closest I ever got to her was about four feet. Emmett and Carlisle were pulling me back. I saw Edward spring in front of me. I could feel the fury coming from him and the protectiveness. The guys wrestled me back towards the door. But before I got out I happened to get a glance at Bella. She looked so shocked and sad. I was instantly filled with hatred for myself._

_Once I was outside my head cleared of the scent of the intoxicating blood. What had I done? Why did I suddenly lose control like that? I saw Alice sprinting towards me as I ran towards the forest._

_"Jasper!" She yelled. I didn't stop. I was so ashamed and I wasn't going to let her see me like that. She must hate me for what had happened. I was so stupid. I should've had more control. What would Edward think? What about Bella? I felt my throat get choked up. I just kept running._

The flashback was broken by the sound of Bella's truck coming up the road. She jumped out of the cab quickly and dashed to the porch. She didn't even notice me and I was only standing across the road. My car was a ways down the road. Something must be wrong, I thought.

I watched as Bella sat there crying. This must be bad. God, I hope it didn't have anything to do with Edward leaving her. Edward…he was a really great guy in my opinion, but sometimes he sure did stupid things. How could he even fathom giving up Bella? She was like one of the best girls out there for him, for anyone.

I tried to wait patiently for her tears to end. Her sadness that was coming in waves toward me was making me feel miserable. But, I feared that the tears would never stop, and if I kept waiting I might miss my chance.

"Bella," I said softly stepping toward her. We were still a good distance away. She looked up at me and her emotions poured through me- disbelief, sadness, and hope. She closed her eyes. Maybe she didn't recognize me; maybe she wanted me to go away.

"It's Jasper. Jasper Hale," I said trying to reach her somehow. I concentrated on her emotions and this time there was just a hint of happiness.

"You're here," she gasped and I nodded. "No…..not real," she murmured as she closed her eyes and wrapped her arms tightly around herself.

I stepped closer so she could really see me. She opened her eyes and stared directly at me. "Bella, o know you don't believe me, but I really am here. Please, you have to listen to me," I tried to reason with her. My dead heart was aching seeing her like this. No one should ever be put through this.

"But- you left. Is Ed-" She stammered, unable to make a complete sentence.

"It's only me Bella, I'm sorry," Her face saddened, but only the tiniest bit.

Then, before I knew it, she was standing up with her arms around me. She buried her face in my neck and I could feel her sobs that were interfering with her breathing. Her hands were clawing all over me, trying to pull me tighter, but I pulled away.

She looked at me, shocked, when I pulled away from her gently. She looked sad, and I suddenly felt like a complete jerk for it. Bella was so warm and distraught and I wanted to comfort her so badly. But, being this close to her was dangerous, and the last thing in the world that I wanted to do was hurt her. I felt myself feeling a little protective.

I was shocked at myself for feeling these things. I never opened myself to anyone but Alice.

"I'm sorry," She muttered looking away ashamed. I knew that she thought that hugging me was a mistake on her part.

"It's okay," I reassured her.

"If- if no one else is here…why are you?" I knew that she was going to ask this eventually.

"I came here because there is something important that I need to tell you," I said almost shyly. What was wrong with me?  
"What?" She asked hesitantly. I was going to say something but I knew that her father was coming to the door. He would go crazy if he saw me here. I would bet that he would be upset with any Cullen because we had all left, but most of all Edward. He would be angry with anyone who hurt his daughter, and one of those people was I.

I started toward the forest. "Wait where are you going?" Bella asked sounding panicky. Then her father stepped out.

"Bells. What are you doing out here?" he asked. "Did something happen with Jacob?"

"No, dad," I could feel that she was lying. Who was Jacob? A boyfriend? Maybe that was why she was upset. But the way she hugged me…I pushed the thought away now wasn't the time for that.

"Bells, c'mon," Charlie didn't give up.

"Yes, something happened. No, I'm not going to talk about it," She said as the front door closed. I could hear the dull thuds as Bella walked up the stairs to her bedroom. Then she appeared at her window.

"Jasper?" She whispered. My stomach lurched when I heard her call my name. I came out from the trees and I saw surprise on her face. Did she really think I was going to leave?

"Yes," I said clearing my throat. "Can I please talk to you?"

"Ummm yeah, but you would have to come up here. I cant exactly leave." She bit her lip.

Okay. I know that I needed to talk to her, but climbing into girls' windows to get into their bedrooms was not my thing. It was Edward's thing. But, what the heck- it was only one time, right?

"Alright, I'm coming up," I walked a few steps back and then took a running start before leaping to the window. I landed in her bedroom silently and we just stood there for a moment.

Bella looked calmer than before. The only signs of her distress were the red rings around her eyes.

"Why don't you sit down?" Bella asked breaking the silence between us. I had no clue what else to do so I went and sat on her bed and she leaned on the desk in the corner of the bedroom.

"Okay….so let me explain a few things. I know you must be overwhelmed with questions," I started. She nodded and seemed to visibly relax. It calmed me somehow. I didn't want her to feel awkward around me I realized. "This is a long story….do you mind?"

"Not at all," she said a little too quickly.

"Well, it started before the night of your birthday party. Edward was talking with the rest of us about your safety. He has always been worried about you, even from the beginning. He always questioned whether he was good enough for you, whether it was the right thing," I paused for a moment. I left out the stuff about the necklace and Edward's insecurities about telling her how much he loved her. I was watching Bella's emotions carefully and she seemed calm enough so I went on.

"It was that one day that I…..lost control that he decided that it was too much for him to be with you. He thought that being together put you in too much trouble," I stopped. Pain was coming in waves from Bella. "Are you okay?"

Bella was sitting there, eyes closed, with her arms around her once again. "I'm fine," She said and I could tell from her voice that she was trying to hold back tears. Half of me wanted to quit right then. I wanted to comfort, but once again I reminded myself of the cautions.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I said plainly. At that point I think I would have said anything to stop the silent tears that were raining on her cheeks. She looked up at me.

"What?"

"I'm sorry. I really am. If I hadn't lost control at your birthday party….everything would have stayed the same. I came here to tell you how deeply sorry I am," I finished. It was an incredible feeling to get that off of my chest. It made me feel like I could breathe easier.

I glanced at Bella to see what her expression was. She was just staring at me in disbelief.

"Jasper, this would've happened anyway. Edward was never meant to be with someone like me," she spoke, almost numbly. Her words angered me.

"Bella, you have no clue- absolutely no clue. Edward cares a lot about you, at least I think he did. What he did to you was wrong even if some of the reasons were right. This is not your fault Bella," It was an effort to keep my voice in check. The last thing I needed was for Charlie to come in. I had ended up close to her again. I had risen while I was speaking, not being able to keep myself seated.

"It's not your fault either, Japer. I'm sorry you came all the way out here for this."

"Bella I….." I didn't know what to day. She just nodded. I felt so stupid just standing there. What was I supposed to do now? Maybe the best thing for me to do was leave. I had turned to the window, but I glanced back at Bella because I could feel overwhelming panic coming from her.

"Please stay, Jasper. Please. Just stay," She begged me. "I need you Jasper." How was I supposed to say no to that? She _needed_ me.

"Okay," I said and I knew that I would have done anything for her. "But I can't stay here, as in your room. But yes, I will stay," Then, for the second time, Bella was in my arms trying to pull me as close as possible.

"Thank you," She gasped relief flooding through her. I couldn't believe she was so…..different. I couldn't believe we had done this to her. This time, unlike the first, I didn't want to let her go. But, I had to and I gently stepped back. Right now, I needed to hunt, and she was making things a little difficult.

"Sorry, Bella, but I think you should move away," I said desperately. She looked up at me suddenly.

"You need to hunt, don't you?" She asked, "I should have realized, I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing. I should have hunted before I came."  
"When will you be coming back?" She asked. I honestly didn't know when. What would my choosing to stay do to her?

"Tomorrow after school? Maybe I could explain some more things."

"Okay," she said but I could still detect worry coming from her.

"I promise, Bella, I will stay," I said and I truly meant it. That seemed to help her. "So lie down and I will see you then," She nodded and I disappeared out the window.

What was I thinking? I thought that I was going to get this over with and get back to Alice. Alice….I would call her as soon as I finished hunting. She needed to know what was going on. But what would I tell her? But first….I needed to get into the forest before any humans got hurt.

As I ran into the woods, I opened my senses to the life forces around me. Deer…up ahead. I ran faster, eager to satiate my thirst. It seemed as if the deer were miles away, but I finally reached them and lunged for the kill.

I was instantly pleased as the blood flowed through me. But, the blood of animals never compared to that of a human. I tried to think about Bella and her irresistible scent and that made hunting the animals easier. Even though I thought that being a good vampire wasn't really my thing, I didn't want to go back to hunting humans. Now was not the time to fall off the wagon.

I finished quickly and headed back to my car. As soon as I was in the seat I reached for my cell phone and dialed Alice's number.

"Jasper. How did it go?" I knew that she would know that I was calling.

"It went okay," In my heart I knew it went better than I thought but I still had a lot to deal with.

"What's wrong?"

"I need to stay longer than I thought," I said as an excuse. Staying in Forks wasn't a problem. But, Bella's emotions might be.

"That's fine Jasper. I knew that it would probably take some time," I didn't say anything. "How is Bella?"  
"I don't know," I said honestly. I didn't want to talk about this anymore. "I miss you."

"Baby, I miss you, too" Alice said softly. We hardly ever spent time away from one another.

Then I heard some sort of screeching nearby. I got out of the car and listened. Bella.

"I have to go Alice," I said hurriedly.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I love you."

"I love you too" She said sadly and hung up. I hated not telling her everything. But what she didn't know couldn't hurt her.

I ran to the house and leapt to her window. I was getting used to it by then. Bella was thrashing around in her bed, but she was still asleep.

"Edward! Please don't leave!" She yelled and I couldn't help the tears that sprang in my eyes. This was unbearable. I put one foot in the window ready to come in and help her. But, I couldn't. So I sent waves of calm towards her hoping that it would help, but it didn't that much. I wanted to touch her and to comfort her, but that was crossing the line.

The tears went away abruptly and I felt undeniable fury flooding through me. Edward. This was unforgivable and if I saw him I had no clue what I would do. Never, I promised myself, would I do anything like this to her.

"Don't leave me," She murmured once more. I made my decision at that moment. I would stay in Forks to do whatever it took to make her happy again, to make her whole. I wasn't leaving her, no matter what.

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	4. Chapter 3

**First off I want to thank everyone who reviewed last chapter. And thanks to my beta dancingwithEdward. I really hope you guys like this next chapter :) And thanks again for everyone's support with this story. This is for you guys :)**

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BPOV

When I awoke the next morning after Jasper's unexpected visit I was still shocked. Part of me didn't believe it even really happened. I guess we would see if he actually showed up after school. I hurriedly got dressed not letting myself get distracted. It was time to go to school not decide if Jasper was just a figment of my imagination.

School was meaningless to me. My grades were better than they were before, but that didn't guarantee that I was going to get into a good college or even go. School was just a place that I went to because I had to. I was a freak there now, even to my friends. The faces around me were just a blur in my vision, and I didn't really care if they talked about me. But sometimes I thought that maybe I should change that and talk to the people that were once my friends. I remembered when I had promised that to myself at Jacob's. Jacob.

How in the world could my best friend be a werewolf? I hadn't had time to think about that problem. But now I was here, and there wasn't much else to do during class. Why didn't he tell me before? It seemed that the supernatural always found a way to find me. Who ever knew that Forks was not as it seemed? But thinking about Jacob and the way I had run from him was too much to bear and the pain throbbed in my chest. But, oddly, my chest hadn't stopped throbbing since this morning when I woke up. It was that horrible dream that I had gotten used to having. But this time it was different.

Trees were everywhere. Every time I turned around all I could see was an endless sea of green. I kept walking trying to find my way out, but I just ended up further into the forest.

Faces of the Cullen's would pop out of the trees taunting me to follow them. When I got tired of following them and wanted to give up their voices would lure me in even further.

Then everything would become silent. No branches swaying, no animals scurrying, and no voices calling. Then _he_ would come out of the trees at that moment.

"Edward?" I mumbled helplessly. My eyes would rake over his features. It seemed like he had been gone for an eternity. I tried to move closer, but he would shake his head.

I would begin begging and crying and the tears would fall endlessly. The tears didn't move Edward. He just stood there, emotionless and uncaring.

Then suddenly Jacob appeared next to him. Never in my life would I ever think that I would see them both together like that. They were both like complete opposites of one another. Jacob wasn't showing any expression either, just coldness.

Jasper showed up behind me then. I was scared, but I couldn't find my voice to scream. He grabbed my hand and I saw Edward smile across from us. The smile wasn't friendly; it was cold. I turned to Jasper who was staring at me with the eyes of a hunter. There wasn't an ounce of kindness in him.

Then Jasper released my hand suddenly and darted away from me while glaring.

"GO!" Edward yelled. I couldn't tell if he meant them or me. Then Jacob and Jasper shook their heads slowly at me and gave me on last glare before leaving.

"Edward, please," I begged him.

"Nothing," Edward said glaring. Then he would leave. Once again it would be trees all around me only now it was dark.

"NO!" I yelled trying to fight my way through the thorns and the branches of the bushes to get to him. "No, don't leave me," I mumbled.

I would fall right there on the ground and the hole in my chest felt like it was taking up my entire body. I let the pain surround me. It was better than nothing. Anything was better than nothing.

I don't know why I suddenly remember that dream during the middle of class. I tried to never think about the dreams that I had. They scared me more than anything. I usually woke in my sleep screaming, and usually it was only the same dream over and over but this time it was different.

Usually Edward wouldn't say anything to me. He would just stare coldly and then walk away leaving me there.

Why were Jacob and Jasper in it? Maybe it really didn't mean anything. It was always best not to dwell on these things. I don't think I could've dealt with the pain during class.

Luckily though school seemed to pass quickly, but as soon as I stepped out of the building I was full of nerves. I was so messed up when Jasper saw me yesterday. What did he think about it? I was incredibly glad that he was here though. It was like having a small piece of me back somehow.

I drove carefully home trying to keep calm. When I pulled in to the driveway no one was there, not even Charlie. My hopes faded instantly. I grabbed my things out of the truck and walked to the front door.

I was fumbling with the key when I saw someone approaching me out of the trees next to my house. I dropped my stuff, startled, but I managed not to scream.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. Did you want some help?" Jasper asked smiling sheepishly. I couldn't help but smile back. He looked so cute blushing like that. Wait. What was I thinking? Jasper-cute?

"Sure," I said my voice shaking and my face on fire. I could hear Jasper laughing quietly as he easily opened the door. I went in and set my stuff down and he followed behind me.

"When's your father coming home?" Jasper asked me suddenly.

"In a few minutes. Why?"

"Because I don't think it would be wise for your father to see me, or anyone else that could recognize me," he explained.

"Okay. Did you want to go somewhere then?"

"If it's okay with you," I blushed again. Well, Charlie wanted me to live a normal life, so he really shouldn't have a problem with me going out. I knew I was reasoning with myself, but it worked.

"Sure. Wherever is okay with me." Jasper smiled and I felt almost happy then. We left the house and went in Jasper's car. It was black, and sleek; it practically screamed Cullen.

I had no clue where Jasper was taking me. It didn't seem that far away, but my judgment probably wasn't that good.

We ended up in the middle of nowhere actually. Buildings surrounded us, but there wasn't a car or person in sight. Why would he take me here?

"Where are we going?" the curiosity won inside of me. Jasper laughed. I hadn't really ever seen him this way before. He was laughing and smiling and nothing like the distant, serious Jasper I had known.

"Some place special where I used to go to get away from everything." I still didn't know what he was talking about. "Here, follow me," he said leading the way, but still keeping pace with me. He looked excited about something.

We went around one of the nearby buildings. Behind it were water and a solitary dock. It was grayish blue and it reached out to the trees which stood in contrast to it. It was beautiful even when it was cloudy.

"It's pretty."

"You like it?" He asked like he was worried about my opinion on it.

"Yeah."

We went to the end of the dock and sat down. For a few minutes we just sat there watching the waves. But, I broke the silence. There were too many questions that needed to be asked.

"So what have you guys been doing while you were away?" I asked hesitantly. The last thing I wanted to hear was that things were better than ever and they couldn't be happier. Jasper looked at me with curious golden eyes. He must have hunted recently.

"Nothing exciting. We are just living and doing what we do best- pretending to be human," he said quietly.

"And Edward?" I managed to say his name clearly, but my words were almost unheard.

"He hasn't been with us for many months. He is in some other continent and only checks in once in a while. He needed time alone."

"Oh," I mumbled pathetically. So what he needed to go to some other continent to get away from his family-from me? I glanced away, embarrassed. It wasn't any of business to know what he was doing.

"Bella, can I ask you something?" Jasper asked me hesitantly.

"Sure," I agreed but something told me that this was going to be something serious.

"Are you okay Bella? I mean after we left….and you don't seem the same anymore," he asked a slight blush on his face. When I didn't answer right away he spoke quickly "You don't have to answer that. I'm sorry that I even brought it up." He began to stand up, but I lightly touched his arm so he wouldn't go.

It wasn't that I didn't want to answer the question. It just was that I didn't know how. "Jasper, do you want the truth?" I asked him because the truth wasn't very pretty.

"Yes."

"After you all left, especially Edward, I haven't been the same. I got lost in the woods that day when Edward took me out there. I was stupid. I tried to run after him. Then I collapsed there in the forest. The pain would begin in my chest and I would succumb to it. When I was found I was really messed up. My dad wanted to get me a psychiatrist. Most people thought that I needed help. But, I pretend to be okay. The pain still comes unexpectedly. I can handle it, but it is always a reminder that he existed that you all did. All I was left with was memories that I couldn't bear to remember. I don't think I will ever be truly the same." I finished.

It felt good to get it off my chest. I didn't tell anyone about this. I couldn't even really admit it to myself until now. I looked at Jasper at the same time that he was turning away from me. I could have sworn that I saw tears in his eyes.

"Bella, can I- can I hug you?" Jasper asked shyly. I nodded and he scooted closer to me. He hesitantly put his arms around me and then he relaxed after a moment. I buried my head in his chest trying to chase away all the bad things. I looked up at him only to see that he was staring back. I was lost in eyes. I loved being in his arms. It was like the comfort that I had been looking for. And he smelled so damn good.

"Thank you," he mumbled. I didn't realize that I had said that aloud. Then he pulled away gently but didn't move any further from me. "But I'm sorry about the pain that you're going through," he said softly with unbearable sadness in his eyes.

"Does anyone know that you're here?" The question popped in my mind. "What about Alice?"

"I told both Carlisle and Alice where I was going. There is no doubt in my mind that everyone else knows by now, except Edward."

"Why?"

"Because we promised that we would never interfere with your life ever again. I broke my promise because I felt guilty because I felt that I had pushed Edward over the edge to his decision. I still don't think he did the right thing. I mean look at what it has done to you."

"Edward did what he thought was right. Please don't blame him." I said.

"Why do you constantly defend him? He hurt you and I can't stand up for someone who does that." Jasper said seriously.

I had no clue what to say to that.

"But here I am. And now I know that I definitely made the right decision by coming here." He said. He grabbed my hand and it was like sparks going up my arm.

I couldn't help the tears that began falling then. This was all so overwhelming. Talking about those painful things and seeing how sweetly Jasper was treating me was almost unbearable. Jasper reached up and wiped the tears from my eyes. He was being so gentle that I almost couldn't feel it.

After that we just sat there while my tears stopped. He held my hand and told me how sorry he was. I knew that my tears hurt him. I just couldn't help it. But it was getting dark outside and Jasper wanted to get me home so I didn't worry Charlie. It was almost silent on the way home, but it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. It was peaceful.

Jasper parked down the road so Charlie wouldn't see us.

"Can I see you again?" Jasper asked looking at me.

"Sure. Whenever." I said.

"Tomorrow?" He was acting shy again like I didn't want to spend time with him.

"Yeah." I said as I got out of the car.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad that I decided to stay," He said softly but seriously.

"I'm glad you came," I said. I saw his expression change into something that was a mixture of shock, happiness, and sadness. I closed the door and Jasper was gone in a second.

I sighed and made my way to the house. When I walked in, Charlie immediately pounced on me.

"Where have you been?" he demanded.

"Out with….Angela," I improvised. Angela might back me up if Charlie asked around. "You said you wanted me to spend more time with my friends, so I did."

"And what did you do?" he asked.

"We went shopping. I gave her my opinion on her outfits," I lied smoothly.

"Okay, Bells. But next time leave me a note," he said and went into the living room to watch the game. I went in the kitchen and got busy making dinner. At least it was a distraction from all the other things I had to think about.

During dinner Charlie told me about a message from Jacob. He wanted me to come down there so that we could talk. And he told me that if I wanted to go out again I needed to make things up with Jacob. It was an okay deal by me. I needed to get things straight with him, but I needed to be able to go out so I could spend time with Jasper.

I went upstairs to my room after that. I actually had a remarkably good day. I never expected that Jasper and I could actually spend time like this together. Even though I liked it I still had doubts.

He promised to stay but that wasn't an extended thing. Who knew how long before he left? And I was already becoming dependent on him. I wouldn't be able to take it if he just left suddenly.

That was also the first time that I didn't have any nightmares. I had an almost good sleep. I never felt better. But then I was reminded of the things that I had to do. I had to talk to Jacob, and try to reconnect with old friends. I also had to become independent of Jasper or put some space between us. I wasn't going to shatter into pieces when he left; I needed to be okay. Or as much of okay I could be. But I knew that what I really wanted was to be whole again. And I knew that Jasper would get me there, but someday he would leave. Where would I be then? I would be just where I started. I quickly got dressed. There were things that I had to do, and things I didn't want but had to be done. I just hoped I didn't get hurt in the end. But, there are many ways you can get hurt, I just didn't know how many.

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	5. Chapter 4

**Okay here is the next chapter :) This chapter has been giving me major problems. I had MAJOR writer's block while writing it so I am not sure how good it is. And problems with fanfic doesn't help either :( But it's here! Also a few things I want to mention...1) The next chapter will be much longer than this one and it will have TONS of drama(not quite to the kiss yet, but keep waiting. It is on the way!) 2) I don't want to leave Alice unhappy..so I was debating whether or not she should be with Edward or Jacob...hmmm suggestions? 3) When writing this chapter I was hoping that it explains how Bella and Jasper are both struggling with letting their feelings go and the right thing to do. 4) I want to thank all of the people who gave reviews last chapter You guys rock! Also thank you to my beta dancingwithEdward. And I hope you all like it :) **

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**JPOV**

I felt sad dropping Bella off at her house. Once again I found myself wrapped in her every emotion. Things were moving far too quickly for me. How could I show up just wanting to apologize and then end up doing anything to make her happy? And what about Alice? That question popped into my mind a lot. I mean, what did I really _feel_ for Bella? It must have been something because every time I thought about her I felt guilty. But, I couldn't leave her, not after what I had seen. Her life was miserable and I hated seeing her that way.

If I was being honest with myself, I would say that I liked that when she was sad I could comfort her. I didn't want to hurt her anymore than she already was. I was already so involved with her and it had only been two days. Time really had no meaning for me, and it was a first for me to not be able to control my emotions. But what about Alice?

I couldn't hurt her; I wasn't that type of guy. But I knew that there was something with Bella and that might have changed the way I felt toward Alice. I mean, what if Bella didn't feel the same way? I would end up losing Alice.

What was wrong with me? This was Edward's girl, not mine. I had no business here, and yet here I was possibly falling for a human. I was completely screwed.

So, I decided that I would back off. I didn't want to ruin things with Alice. It wasn't a good thing to get too close to Bella. I would just wait and see where things went from there. But, even through all of my debating there was still that undeniable excitement in my stomach about seeing Bella again.

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**BPOV**

I woke feeling normal. It was so nice to wake up feeling good. Usually I would be a wreck still haunted by those dreams. But, I couldn't lay here forever; there were things that I needed to do. I got dressed and went downstairs seeing that Charlie was already gone. I picked up the phone and dialed Angela's number.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Hi, it's Bella," I said. There was a pause on the other end.

"Oh, Bella! Hi," she said nervously. "How are you?"

"I'm okay. I just wanted to say hi and that I am so sorry that I have been so distant lately," I said.

"It's okay Bella. I understand, and if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here."

"Thanks Angela," I was truly grateful that I had her as a friend.

"Did you want to hang out sometime? We could go see a movie tomorrow?"

"Sure, see you then," I said.

"Okay, bye," Angela said. I hung up the phone and sighed. It was still unbelievable that she wanted to hang out with me. Everyone could use a friend like her. At least Angela could possibly understand what I went through. She was the one who didn't pressure me with questions or stare at me curiously. I was glad that she was still there for me.

Now it was time for the hard part. Jacob. I left a note for Charlie letting him know where I would be. I hurriedly jumped into my truck before I could talk myself out of going. The trip was short, and my stomach was full of nerves for some reason. It was Jacob, the same old Jacob. He was just a werewolf.

I got out of the truck and walked to the front door. I was raising my hand to knock when someone opened the door.

"What do you want?" Jacob snapped. I jumped from the anger in his words. "Can we talk?" I asked softly.

"So _now_ you want to talk?" He asked sarcastically. "Whatever." He strode out off of the porch and went into his garage. I followed him in there only to discover that he was running around like a mad man.

"I'm sorry, Jacob. I'm just- I just. I' shocked, okay," I tried to explain. He didn't say anything. "I mean you're Jacob. I thought you were human; I though you were…" my voice faltered.

"Normal?" he whispered. "I'm not. I'm a werewolf, but at least part of me is still human," he looked up at me. His eyes were filled sadness instead of anger.

"It doesn't change anything, Jacob. You're still you," I said honestly.

"What do you mean it doesn't change anything? It changes everything! Every second you're around me I put you in danger. I'm a monster Bella, and I should have just realized that from the start instead of believing we could be friends."

"No! We can still be friends. You're _not_ a monster Jacob. You wouldn't hurt me; you promised."

"And see how well that worked?"

"It doesn't matter what you are, Jacob. I will always be your friend," I said tears in my eyes.

"Do you mean it?" he asked disbelief on his face.

"Yes." Jacob dropped whatever piece of metal was in his hands and walked quickly to me. I stepped closer to him and he hugged me. His warmth surrounded me like the sun. I would accept Jacob no matter what he was.

"Thank you," Jacob murmured into my hair. Then he stepped away from me. "Can we go for a walk?" he asked. I grabbed his hand and let him lead the way which wasn't very far. We sat on a tree that had fallen down on the edge of the trees. I had a sudden flash of the reoccurring nightmares, but I knew that it was nothing like it.

"Can I ask you something?" Jacob asked suddenly. I nodded. "Why did you run away when I told you?"

"Because it was just too much to handle then. It was like you flipped my world upside down again," I tried to explain.

"Oh," he said.

"Why did you think I ran away?""Because you were scared."

"I'm not," I said fiercely. He pulled me next to him. Soon I was impossibly warm.

"Jacob, why are you so warm?"

"It's a wolf thing," he laughed.

"What are things can you do?" I asked curiously. He just sat there thinking for a moment.

"Well, we can read each others minds when we are wolves. It's pretty cool except for the fact you don't have an ounce of privacy."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah," he smiled but it died quickly.

"It's not all great, is it?" I asked hesitantly.

"No. But we never get older," he said with fake cheerfulness.

"What?"

"You. Seventeen forever," he said. This was unbelievable. Why did I always have to be the one that grew older? I would be the one who grew old and they world be young forever. It wasn't fair. I stood up. I was right; I shouldn't have come here. I wasn't capable of handling this.

"Bella wait!" Jacob said catching up with me. "What's wrong?"

"I'm the only one getting older," I said trying to keep the hysteria out of my voice. He grabbed my arm trying to stop me from moving any further.

"I would do anything- anything- to be human for you Bella. But, I can't," he said with tears in his eyes.

" I have to go Jacob," I said weakly.

"Please don't, I just got you back."

"I'll come back, okay," I said getting in my truck. "I promise." He nodded and turned to go in the house. I sighed. Would it ever be good between us again?

I slowly drove to my house. I took my time getting ready. I wasn't wearing anything special. It was only Jasper I kept telling myself. I had to keep things under control.

But, while waiting for him I began thinking about what had happened with Jacob. Everyone got to live forever but me. It was a horrible feeling and it put me in a worse mood. This day was lasting too long. I was almost looking forward to sleep even if it brought those horrible dreams with it. Then Jasper pulled up and I couldn't help the tingle of excitement that ran through me. This was bound to be a total disaster judging on how my day went. I sighed and opened the door.

* * *

**JPOV**

I couldn't help the excitement as I walked up to Bella's door. She stepped out and I thought that she looked beautiful even if she was only wearing jeans and a sweater. It was her. But, her emotions were running crazy, and I felt almost overwhelmed by them.

"Hi, Bella," I said finally. It was kind of stupid to just stand there and stare at her.

"Hi," she sighed.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"Nothing," she said as we walked to the car. I knew that it must be something. She was acting very strange and distant that day. My suspicions were confirmed on the way to Seattle when she barely answered any of my questions. It was then when I became worried.

I decided that any restaurant would do, and Bella didn't say a word so I guess it was all right. We sat together, but we could have been across the room. She wasn't looking at me or talking. Maybe she thought I was too forward when I took her to the dock. I didn't mean to be; I just couldn't help myself. And now I was sitting here being rejected by her. She didn't have to go with me. And to think that she actually liked me….God, I was such an idiot.

"Jasper, are you happy?" she asked. It was the most she had said to me the entire night.

"Sure, why?" I asked but she just shrugged and continued to push her food around her plate. Then she changed her mind.

"Because you're not with Alice and here in Forks with no one else," she mumbled. She was wrong. I had her, but she didn't want me.

"I'm okay," I said honestly. It wasn't like I was missing anything in Alaska. I was only there because Alice was there. Bella looked away with a red face.

I found myself desperately wanting to know what was wrong, but I couldn't find the words to ask her. This was all completely wrong.

Bella finished eating without another word. She never wanted me; I was so stupid. Thinking about it brought the worst sadness over me. It was like my world was crushed. Alice, I still had Alice, but even that didn't make me happy.

Shortly, we were back at the Swan house and Bella was getting out of the car. She glanced at me one more time and I had to hold the tears back from her rejection. Would I ever see her again? Did she even want to see me again? I could feel the sadness coming from her. This was hurting her too, but we did nothing about it. She started walking to the house.

Before I cold stop myself I was jumping out of the car and bounding up the sidewalk.

"Jasper?"

"Bella! I'm sorry for whatever I did. Just please don't be mad. I just-" I didn't know what else to say. My cheeks were burning with humiliation as she just stood there watching me.

"Jasper, it's not your fault. I just need time to deal with some things, okay?" she told me but it sounded like a question.

"I'm sorry I'm acting weird. I don't know what to think anymore," I mumbled.

"It's okay," she breathed. "I'll see you," she said. My whole body tingled with happiness. She. Wanted. To. See. ME. I could have danced right then.

But even stronger than happiness was the urge to hug her. I clenched my fists to stop myself, but that didn't work and I doubt anything else would. Not even Alice. I quickly walked to her and she was in my arms. One was around her waist and the other around her shoulders. I shuddered under her touch. It was like heaven at that moment. I took one last sniff of her hair and stepped back.

I couldn't look at her. What if she didn't want me to hug her? What if she just said she wanted to see me so that way she didn't hurt my feelings? But as I drove I could still feel the warmth of her body, and I could remember her scent as clear as day.

I didn't know I was driving to Alaska when I noticed my surroundings. I knew I had to talk to Alice. I needed to tell her how I felt. I knew that nothing would change the way I felt about Bella; I hadn't felt that with anyone. She drove me nuts. The more distance she tried to put between us the more I wanted to have her back.

I got there in a matter of hours. The Denali house was almost empty, but I passed Emmett and Rosalie on my way to the stairs.

"Alice?" I called. I saw her at the top of the stairs and I met her there. I drug her into our room and closed the door. I knew that I was worrying her.

"Jasper! What's wrong?" She asked grabbing me by the shoulders.

"Here, sit down and I will tell you everything," I took a moment to sort through my thoughts.

"Alice, something happened with Bella. It's not bad though," I began.

"Okay, just tell me," she commanded.

"I think I might possibly love her," I said softly. "But, I don't want to hurt you, Alice." Alice was quiet for a moment.

"Jasper, I love you, and I want you to be happy. I'm not mad that you love her," she smiled. What?

"You knew this was going to happen?" I accused her and she nodded. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"What fun would that be?" she laughed.

"But Alice after all we've been through…..I mean we're just going to let that go?"

"No. We are going to cherish those memories, but we can't let them hold us back. I mean, maybe we weren't meant to be together forever. Maybe things were meant to be this way." I sighed. Maybe they were.

"So we're friends now?" I couldn't help laughing and she laughed with me. I still didn't understand how this could have happened. It was only a matter of days before I fell for Bella, and here I was breaking up with someone I'd been with a very long time.

"Sure," she agreed and laughed some more.

"So any news from Edward?" I asked.

"Nothing," she sighed. "But by the time he gets back things are going to be very different. I wonder if he will be mad."

"I don't care," I snapped. "He doesn't deserve anything after what he did to her," I growled.

"It's that bad?" she asked.

"She screams his name in her sleep telling him not to leave! It's been months, Alice and she isn't over it. It's almost unbearable seeing her so sad," I explained.

"That's terrible."

"I know. And Edward has something coming to him when he gets back. But until then, I am going to do everything I can to make him happy again."

"I'm glad," she said as she hugged me. "I love you," she murmured.

"It's not the same is it?" I asked. She shook her head and sighed.

"Go back to Forks and tell her everything," she said smiling. "And then you can tell me all about it." I nodded and left without another word. I ignored the people calling me and got in my car.

It was only when I got to Forks that I remembered that Bella wanted some time to herself. It would be unbearable waiting but I would do it. I would tell her everything. I knew things were moving way too fast, but I felt like I was on a dead line.

At that moment I felt like I could do anything. Alice had told me that everything would be okay. Now all I had to do was go for what I wanted. But, sometimes, there is always that chance that when you go for what you want you don't know what you're getting yourself into. I didn't know either.

**:) Review?**


	6. Chapter 5

**Yes, I know it has been a while and I am truly sorry for that. I want to thank everyone for the favorites, reviews, alerting, and reading. It means the world to me. Anyway, as always thanks to dancingwithEdward fort beta-ing this. Here's chp 5 and I made it extra long just for you!**

* * *

It was a completely stupid plan to try to stay away from Jasper. The more I tried to distance myself from him the more sadness I saw in his eyes. Every time I glanced at him I punished myself. I couldn't let my feelings get in the way of what was the right thing to do. And the worst part of it all was that Jasper thought this was his entire fault. Well, partly it was, but I didn't need to be so dependent on him either.

But the way he ran to me and held me to him was imprinted in my mind. It was like he wanted me to let all of my control go and surrender to the feelings I had for him. It was all so confusing. I wanted to let myself fall for him, but one day I knew that he would leave.

In all of the chaos I had almost forgotten that Angela and I were going to a movie that night. It seemed so normal that it was almost funny. Of all the things that were happening around me, the thought of going to a movie was almost like a sanctuary. I needed to do something that didn't involve a bunch of drama. Angela showed up early and I was actually glad to see her.

"Hi, Bella," she said giving me a brief hug. "Are you ready to go?" she asked as she looked around the house.

"Yeah, sure. I've just gotta tell my dad that we're leaving," I said as I walked into the living room with her trailing behind me. "Dad, we're gonna go," I told him. He muted the T.V. and looked up in surprise.

"Hi, Angela, it's nice to see you again. You girls have fun, okay?" he told us with a brilliant smile. I knew it made him happy to see me acting like a person again.

We headed out the door to Angela's car. I was actually glad to be going somewhere that had nothing to do with the supernatural. Between Jasper and Jacob, I had no clue what to do anymore. I sighed.

Angela told me about all the things that were happening at school. I knew so little about it that I felt like I didn't even go there. It was so weird to hear about the things that went on around me, and I knew nothing about them. It was like I had been in my own little bubble.

"Angela, do they hate me? Jessica, Mike…" I trailed off. "No, Bella, of course not."

"They should," I mumbled as she shut off the car. We were already at the movie theater in Port Angeles.

"Why would you say that?" she said looking at me with an expression that was halfway between anger and curiosity.

"Because they tried so hard to get through to me and all I did was push them further away. I guess it would be fair if they never spoke to me again," I sighed.

"Bella it's not like that. Yes, they were mad at first, but they had to have gotten over it by now. I'm sure they will talk to you again." She knew exactly what to say to make me feel better. She gave me a reassuring smile and I returned it.

Since it was Angela's idea to go to a movie, I let her choose which one we would see. I held back a groan when she decided on a romantic one. I tried to stay away from them at all costs. They reminded me of what I didn't have. It made me think of my pathetic life, and the way that things could never turn out like the way they did in movies. It made me think of him and that's even worse. But, Angela wanted to spend time with me and I would do anything she wanted. Hopefully my other friends would accept me back just as easily.

In the end though the movie wasn't really that bad. It was your normal teenage chick- flick movie. The only thing that bugged me throughout the whole movie was that the main guy looked just like Jasper with his golden locks.

And that caused me to begin thinking about Jasper even more than I already was. Every time a romantic scene came on I longed for him even more. It had only been a day and I was missing him terribly. But, I told him that I needed time to deal with things. I mean, I guess I did but was it really worth missing him this much? How was I was supposed to find him anyway?

It was hopeless so I tried my hardest to concentrate on the movie. I decided I wouldn't think about it anymore and the movie passed fairly quickly. Angela and I talked about the movie on the way back and I actually surprised myself by putting in a few comments. I rarely remembered anything that happened around me anymore especially things that were relatively unimportant. It was so easy talking to Angela that I didn't have to pretend to be interested because I actually was. It was only when we arrived back on my house that she started on something serious.

"Why don't you sit with us tomorrow?" Angela asked. I bit my lip. What if they were still angry and ignored me? Or worse?

"I don't know," I said helplessly.

"It will be okay, Bella. Trust me. It isn't what you think." Her persuasion was rubbing off on me and I reluctantly agreed. I doubt she would have let me out of the car if I didn't.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I sighed and closed the door. When I walked into the house I realized that I was almost exhausted. I had to drag myself up to the mercy of my bed.

Even though I was doing things that normal teenagers did, deep down I knew that I wasn't the even the slightest normal. Teenagers didn't become all depressed after their vampire love left them. They didn't have the nightmares that sent you screaming as you woke. They didn't have to depend on the supernatural to keep them going. I was hurt like no other, and the more I tried to act normal the more the pain reminded me that I wasn't.

* * *

I woke suddenly from my nightmare. It was a good thing to be awake, but it took me a moment to realize that I wasn't dreaming anymore. My heart stopped pounding after a while, and I was able to breathe normally again.

Once I got a grip on myself I looked at the clock. How did the morning come so soon? I had to get ready for school and that was the last place that I wanted to go. Then I remembered what Angela told me the night before and a tiny spark of hope came alive inside of me. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as I imagined. But still, I couldn't shake the feeling that it wouldn't be as easy as Angela said.

I had to go to school anyway, so I might as well give it a try I decided. I left for school and arrived there as I had every morning. I saw the familiar faces passing me and paying me no mind. I went through my morning classes as usual, but it was like seeing them through new eyes. It was like I was discovering where I had been for the past couple of months. Like thinking you're dreaming and then realizing that it's reality.

Soon enough it was lunch and I had to steel myself to where Angela and the others were sitting in the cafeteria. I swallowed and walked up to them only to stop when their conversation abruptly ended. All eyes were on me.

"Uhhh, hi. Can I sit with you?" I asked. They glanced at each other with doubtful eyes.

"After all these months that we tried to talk to you, and

now you want to talk to us?" Jessica said loudly while shaking her head. The others didn't say anything; they just merely stared at me.

"Jessica, give her a chance," Angela spoke up.

"Why? So the next time a boy dumps her; she can dump us too?" her gaze was fixed on mine. I looked away at the others but they wouldn't say anything. Not even Angela. Tears were springing to my eyes. I didn't think I had the power to stop them. I ran from the cafeteria and to my car. I didn't know where I was going to go; I just knew I had to leave right then.

I couldn't go home because there was nothing to do there. I didn't want to be alone when the pain came. Jacob, my mind volunteered. I could go there; Jacob would understand.

I don't remember how I managed to get there. The tears were coming so fast that it made it nearly impossible to see. I was relieved when I got there without hitting anyone.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Jacob came sprinting from the house. My tears were blurring my vision, but I could still see the worry on Jacob's face. I didn't say anything and neither did he; I just buried myself into his warm arms.

He let me cry as long as I needed. He didn't ask me what was wrong or tell me that everything was okay. But soon enough I felt ridiculous for my little breakdown. It was to be expected from Jessica; she didn't know what I had been through. I shouldn't have ever gotten my hopes up because when I did I just ended up getting hurt again. I let Jacob pull me into the garage where it was nice and warm.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He murmured. I knew that he wasn't trying to pressure me into talking about it, but I knew that he was worried about me. Maybe I should just tell him and get it over with.

"I tried to talk to my old friends," I began. "and one of them said something and it hurt. I ran away," I said ashamed.

"I'm sorry," he said. "They shouldn't have been mean to you." I just shrugged. Maybe this was just payback for turning away from them. Jessica's mention of Edward hurt the most. Is that what he did- dump me? My chest hurt just thinking about it. I needed a distraction.

"Why aren't you at school?" I made a lame attempt to try and change the topic.

"Because it's spring break!" he laughed. That's right; the kids on the reservation started a few days earlier than we did.

"So what are you going to do?" I asked. It was better talking about this rather than discussing my pathetic excuse of a life.

"Hanging out with friends," he said looking at me, "and speaking of friends, we're having a bonfire tonight and I was wondering if you wanted to go." A bonfire? With his friends? What would Sam think? We didn't exactly leave things off on that great of terms. I hadn't seen him since the day Jacob told me he was a werewolf, and I was pretty sure that he wasn't completely thrilled that I knew his secret. Suddenly a question popped in my head.

"Jacob, are

all your friends werewolves?" Could this explain why Sam didn't want me to know anything? He nodded.

"Sam, Quil, Seth," he muttered. "a few others." Jacob's face was clouded with sadness.

"Oh," I said lamely. "That's why Sam didn't want to tell me?"

"Yes, and because we are only supposed to tell the person that we imprint on," he informed me.

"Imprint?"

"It's a special way for us wolves to find the person that will be most likely to carry on the werewolf gene. Once you turn into a wolf, you could look at anyone and you would know that they were your soul mate," he said nervously.

"Have you imprinted?" I asked. He gave me a serious look like he was trying to tell me something with his eyes rather than with words.

"No." He sounded angry. I wasn't going to ask him more about it though; it really wasn't any of my business anyway.

"Why did Sam let you tell me then?"

"Because you're my best friend, Bella, and I made you a promise that I intend to keep. Sam's trusting me, and that means a lot coming from him," he said. The respect he had for Sam was so noticeable in his words that I began thinking that I was totally wrong about him.

"Sam's the leader, isn't he?" I asked, that was the only explanation that I could come up with.

"Yeah," he mumbled as if he wasn't happy about that.

"I'm sorry about all of the questions," I muttered. He walked over to me and grabbed my hand.

"Bella, don't be sorry about being curious. I will answer whatever silly questions you may have. I am just grateful that you are here," he said looking at me. I hugged him tightly.

"I will always be here. You won't be able to scare me away," I murmured as I let him go.

"Thanks," he flashed me a brilliant smile, "But we should go; the bonfire will be starting soon." He led us out of the garage and to the house.

"Can I use your phone? I should probably tell Charlie where I am," I said.

"Sure," he smiled again and I walked away waving to Billy as I began dialing.

"Hello?" Charlie answered.

"Hey, Dad, I'm over at the Blacks' house just so you know." I prayed that he didn't know that I had skipped my afternoon classrooms that afternoon.

"Oh! Bells, that's fine. You have fun with Jacob," he sounded more than pleased that I was there.

"I'll be home kinda late though, okay. They're having a bonfire and they asked me to stay."

"Hmmm…a bonfire. Well, make sure you get home at a decent hour. You have school tomorrow," he said and I closed my eyes waiting him for to say something about skipping. When nothing happened, I let out a sigh of relief.

"Okay, dad. See you later," I hung up the phone. Really, the last thing that I wanted to be reminded about was the fact that I had school the following day. I didn't want to go there and face them after running away and crying. It was embarrassing and just thinking about it made me mad. I was stupid to believe that Angela thought that they wouldn't hold what I did to them against me. I shook my head and the anxiety causing thoughts away.

"I can stay," I told Jacob, "but he doesn't want me to be out too late."

"Well, I'm going to be making sure of that missy," he threw his arm over my shoulders and I rolled my eyes.

"I've never been to a bonfire before," I told Jacob.

"It's more than just a bonfire; it's more like a meeting where we talk about old myths and stuff. It's cool," he explained.

"Oh, I haven't been to one of those either," I said trying to brighten things up. He laughed and I was happy. We went into the back yard to find that the other boys were already there. They were making a fire in a pit that I never realized was there.

"Hey Jake! What's up?" Quil asked as we joined them. "Hi, Bella," he said with a smile that was almost shy.

"What's she doing here?" Sam asked. It didn't sound like he was upset I was there; it sounded like he was only curious.

"I invited her," Jacob said as if he was daring Sam to say that I couldn't be here.

"That's perfectly fine. I'm glad you could come Bella," he said smiling. There was no hint of coldness or disapproval in his eyes or voice.

"So you're not afraid of us, knowing what we are?" Seth asked. I shook my head unable to find words.

"It shouldn't. It isn't like she hasn't seen something that wasn't normal before." Sam gave me a weird look. Was he saying that they knew what the Cullen's were? Maybe Sam knew more than I had guessed he did.

"Not now," Jacob said firmly. What were they keeping from me? The boys around us looked away quickly and began to busy themselves by pulling up chairs.

"The Elders won't be coming so we won't need extra chairs," Sam said to them.

"Why aren't they coming?" Jacob asked. Sam just shrugged his shoulders as he sat down.

We got comfortable next to the fire. It was beginning to get dark and cold. It was also strangely quiet in the surrounding forest.

The boys began talking amongst themselves. They were arguing about something and I couldn't pay attention. My mind wandered and started thinking about Jasper. What was he doing right now? Was he thinking about me? When would I see him again? Soon. Maybe by then I would have gotten over my overwhelming desire to be with him. Maybe.

How could I be feeling this about Jasper? There was something more than just want to be around him; I wanted to lose myself with him. But what about Edward? His name lashed out at me and so did the pain. Were my feelings suddenly changing about him?

No. Why did I still ache every time I thought about him then? Deep down I knew that the feelings I had for Jasper needed to stay leashed. But every time I saw Jasper I felt like they were becoming closer and closer to getting out. Still, just the thought of seeing Jasper again sent me into a frenzy. Could I risk letting my feelings for Jasper out and possibly getting hurt again? Maybe even worse?

"Bella?" Jacob was calling me. Right, I was still at the bonfire. How long had I been absorbed in my own thoughts?

"Yeah?"

"Are you with us?" He smiled.

"Yeah, sorry. I must've blanked out," I said embarrassed.

"Do you want to know how we became werewolves?" Sam asked. I didn't know if he was asking me or everyone else. He looked at each one of us before continuing on. "We came onto this earth because of the cold ones; the ones that make your senses go crazy. The sickly sweet scent that urges you to kill. Vampires," he stated and all was quiet. A few eyes darted to me.

"Our enemy," Quill put in. Jacob looked at me.

"Every time vampires come along, werewolves show up too. It's programmed in us and it has been in our reservation for a very long time. Passed down the generations, until it's needed." I was right. They must know about the Cullens.

I looked at Jacob frantically. Were they going to hate me because I was friends with the Cullen's?

"Bella, we know about the Cullens, and we know what they did to you," Sam said softly. I didn't meet anyone's eyes. Did we really have to talk about this? "It's why were here-to protect you."

"Thanks," I mumbled, "but could we not talk about this?' Sam nodded and looked away. I wanted to be happy at this campfire, but it seemed like it wasn't going to be that way.

"Okay, enough of that," Sam said, "So, seen any vampires lately?" he smiled at his friends. Guiltily, I thought of Jasper. What would they think if he was here? Maybe they wouldn't trust me anymore.

The others laughed and their "meeting" turned playful. Jacob went in to get more food and Sam came over.

"Bella, I want to apologize for acting so weird before. I know I shouldn't have brought up anything about the Cullens and I want you to know you have our full protection," he said. I couldn't do anything but nod. I was completely wrong about Sam; he was one of the good guys.

The bonfire ended too quickly. I ended up falling asleep next to Jacob. I don't remember how Jacob got me in the car. I just remember waking up to him growling.

I woke up and looked around me. We were still in my truck and parked outside my house. Jacob was growling, and had a wild look on his face.

"Jake, what's wrong?" I whispered. He wouldn't look at me. "Vampire, I can smell it around here," he said. Should I tell him that Jasper's visiting? What if he got out of the truck and went after him?

"Jacob a Cullen is here," I whispered.

"How would you know?" He growled.

"Because we've been talking for the last week and a half."

"What? And you didn't tell me?" he asked loudly. "Which ones and how many are here?"

"It's only one. Jasper." He seemed so relieved after I told him that. It was almost as if he were expecting Edward.

"This is why you haven't been over as much," he stated. I couldn't say anything to that. "It's okay that he's here. Whatever makes you happy," he said getting out of the truck.

"Jacob!" I yelled after him, but he was already disappearing down the road. This was almost worse than having him mad at me. I sighed. Things were never going to be right, there was always something.

I got out of my truck and quietly went upstairs. I didn't want to wake Charlie on the couch. I was almost hoping for the nightmares by the time I laid down. There wasn't much that could make my day any worse. Then I had to face my old friends at school which I was looking forward to. But problems with Jacob and now Jasper on top of that and I had a hell of a week coming to me.

* * *

My morning classes at school passed too quickly. I couldn't concentrate on my work one bit. I was dreading lunch and it only made it come sooner. I walked past their table with my eyes down, but I could still feel their eyes on me. I sat at the table that used to be the Cullens but was now mine. It was like I was in my own world there.

It was like nothing had ever changed. Here I was as I had been for the past months. My heart was aching with the absence of Jasper and how things used to be with my friends. And not having things right with Jacob made things worse.

"Can I talk to you?" Jessica asked pulling up a chair to the table. I just shrugged. "Listen, I'm sorry for how I acted yesterday. I was just mad that you wouldn't talk to us before. I was wrong before; you've been through a lot," she finished. This was a lot to expect from her. I mean, I hadn't seen her apologize ever. But, if she still wanted to be friends, I was still willing.

"It's okay," I said not knowing what else to say.

"So are we still friends?" She asked nervously.

"Yeah." It was like a complete one- eighty from yesterday. I much preferred it this way.

"Here, come sit with us," she said as she grabbed my arm and dragged me to their table. "Bella's going to be sitting with us from now on." She announced. I glanced around at them expecting nervous stares, but what I found was smiles.

"So, Arizona, how ya been?" Eric asked.

"Okay," I said trying to smile at them.

"Hey, you know what we should do? We should do something to celebrate Bella coming back," Mike said enthusiastically. The way he sad those words made it seem like I was coming back from going on a trip or something not being in my own little world of depression.

"Yeah, we could go to the beach in La Push this weekend," Eric put in. Everyone agreed on going and began making plans immediately. It was such a great feeling to be involved in something again. I was distracted in my own thoughts, and trying to pay attention to their conversation when Mike tapped me on the shoulder.

"So, Bella, now that you're back did you want to go out sometime?" Mike asked nervously. Seriously this boy never gave up. I saw Jessica glaring at him next to me.

"No, thanks Mike. I'm kind of busy," I said pathetically. But, I needed something to say to let him down easily.

"Are you seeing someone?" he asked looking disappointed. Was I? No, I told myself. Jasper and I weren't even together. The things I felt for Jasper went above the lines of friends, but I doubted he felt that way.

"I don't know," I said truthfully. What was it that Jasper and I really had? I saw Jessica and Angela giving me curious looks. I knew they probably thought that

he had affected me so much that I wouldn't date ever. Maybe they were wrong.

Lunch passed much easier after that even though I knew that I was still tense. Any minute they could turn around and tell me that they changed their minds. Half of me was still waiting for it to happen.

* * *

You would've thought the rest of the week would've passed quickly, but it didn't. It was nice to be around my friends again, but I couldn't find the excitement about going to La Push. What if I saw Jacob there? Was he still upset about Jasper? I just wanted things to be the same with Jacob the way they were before he told me he was a werewolf. Overall, the truth was that week was endless.

Friday came as a salvation for me. I wanted to escape away from all of the voices that were pushed around me. I wanted to forget all the questions asked. I was bombarded with them about who I was seeing from Jessica. I sighed as I walked out of the school and waved to those around me.

I was about halfway to the house when I realized that I didn't want to go home. So I drove to Port Angeles. I let the music fill the car and my mind. Normally I would stay away from music, but that day I welcomed it. I needed it to distract me from everything. It sucked that I missed out on it for so long. I hated that every insignificant thing I did reminded me of him. Would it really hurt to forget him? To fall in love again? I mean, I sacrificed so much and it seemed like it was all for nothing.

No, I reminded myself. I longed for Edward even more. He loved me at one point, I argued. Or did he? My chest began aching terribly and I stopped the truck. It was so hard to remember his sweet scent and velvet voice. Tears flowed silently down my cheeks as I wrapped my arms around my chest. Did I even mean anything to him at all? Why did he even leave? What did I do to make him go?

Suddenly I was flooded with memories of Jasper. I remembered how he would hold me and I felt like nothing could touch me. I remember all of the things he had ever said. _"Bella, Can I-Can I hug you?"_ he asked me when I told him how I felt that one night at the dock. I remember how he wiped the tears from my eyes with his gentle touch.

_"I'm glad I stayed,"_ he had said. The tears began coming faster. I recalled the relief I felt when he ran up to my porch and told me he was sorry and did everything he could to make me talk. God, I missed him so much.

I threw the door opened and jumped out. I couldn't sit there and continue to deal with the ache in my chest. It was almost as if there was a brand new ache with the longing for Jasper along with the same old ache.

The light mist helped me bring myself to my senses. I realized that I was near Jasper's dock. I started moving behind the building that led to it. Maybe if I was somewhere near Jasper had been I would feel like he was there with me somehow.

What I felt when I got there was the complete opposite. It seemed like his absence was surrounding me. The water was churning around and the trees were swaying. A storm was coming but I didn't care in the slightest. Bursts of mist dampened my hair as I stepped closer to the edge.

"Bella, don't do this," the velvet voice pleaded. The hallucinations – how could I forget? I tentatively moved closer.

"Bella! Think about what you're doing! Don't do this," he continued to beg. I closed my eyes and let his voice flow through me.

"Why would you even care? YOU left me!" I yelled. Anger was mingling with the ache and it fueled something dangerous inside of me.

"Please," the voice begged. I ignored it and I noticed that I was too close to the edge. What did I have to lose? My body trembled for release: release of the ache, pain, the memories, of everything. Jasper. That one word made me jump back from the edge and collapse on the deck. How could I be so stupid?

I lay there and let the mist wash over me. I was unbearably cold but I couldn't find the strength to make it back to my truck. Between the ache and the cold I was paralyzed, and I did nothing to stop it. I felt myself losing consciousness and I welcomed it. I wasn't all the way under when I felt arms around me.

I smelt the familiar sweetness and I buried myself in it. My eyes closed and I couldn't remember anything.

* * *

JPOV

The week passed too slowly for me. I guess part of that could be because I was in agony the entire time. I wanted to see Bella so badly. Time was stretching endlessly for me, and I decided that I needed to go to her by the end of this week. Any longer would drive me crazy.

I was also so happy that Alice wanted me to do this. I wouldn't have been able to do it behind her back. I loved her too much, but apparently not enough anymore. And I was so pumped up to tell Bella how I felt when I remembered that she wanted time. It was a bummer for me because all I wanted to do was run to her and kiss her and tell her she's mine.

Wait. Kiss her? Mine? But how could I even deny that I wanted those things? I did and badly. But what if she didn't want the same thing? The thought of leaving made my heart ache. What if she was still hung up on Edward? Forever his and never mine. But I had to try even if there were too many what ifs against us. Bella was worth that and more and I would do anything to have her.

I was driving around aimlessly trying to distract myself and waste time. I had turned off my phone because Alice was calling every hour asking if I had told her yet. I loved Alice, but God, she was annoying. Then a thought hit me- how was I even supposed to know when Bella wanted to see me? A week, I reminded myself. A week would be tomorrow. My stomach did flips.

It was while I was driving that I heard familiar screams nearby. Bella. My mind went wild as I spun around and turned the car in a different direction. I jumped out when I sensed her emotions. Defeat, sadness, longing.

My heart ached once I found her lying on the dock. She looked so small and helpless. She wasn't moving and her eyes were closed, but at least I could still hear her heart beat and breathing. Please let her be okay. I was at her side in a matter of seconds.

"Bella?" I asked shaking her. "Bella?" She mumbled something quietly that I couldn't understand. I gently picked her up and tried to shield her from the rain as best as I could. She was okay, I told myself repeatedly. That did nothing to my worrying though. She rested in my arms as I sprinted to my car. I out her in the front seat and cranked up the heat as I took her home.

What was she doing at the dock? Why was she lying there? Questions were running through my brain. There was only one person who could answer them and she was unconscious.

I carried her from the car and managed to get both of us through her window. I didn't want to deal with Charlie then.

I put her in bed and covered her with as many blankets as I could find. I would've taken off her wet clothes but I was born a gentleman and I intended to do things the easiest way. I would stay hear until she woke. Then I would tell her how I felt and maybe she could answer a few questions I had. But still, she had to wake up first. I sat by her side making sure that she was okay.

While I sat there, I began to scold myself about not taking better care of her. I was so stupid to leave her alone especially when I wanted to be with her.

She murmured my name and stirred a bit. I felt my heart twitch with hope. I think I loved her. I smiled to myself.

"Bella?" I murmured brushing the hair from her face. "Can you hear me? It's Jasper," I stumbled, the tears taking over. I watched as her eyes fluttered open. She stared at me for a moment and I held my breath.

"Jasper?" she whispered. She raised her hand and wiped away the tears on my cheek.

"Bella," I choked out crushing her to me.

* * *

Okay, I know Jasper wasn't in this chapter much but the next one deals a lot with him and some other surprises. And btw the kiss will be coming sooner than you know ;)


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